Amazonian Goddess

We’ve all been stung by a rash, ill-advised internet purchase. Last week, I purchased a ‘moon lamp’ that looked roughly the size of a goldfish bowl. In reality, it was the size of a snooker ball. I wrote this in protest!

The Amazonian Goddess

You promised me the world, that you’d always deliver
Whispering sweet nothings, making me quiver
Targeting my weak-spots, my romantic notions,
Yankee candles and sweet-smelling potions

You promised me the world with your mesmeric eyes
Told me I was special, unlike, other guys
Enticing me in, promoting this and that,
A stash of capsules to reduce my body fat

You promised me the world and I fell for your charm
Despite my misgivings, I thought, what’s the harm?
You flashed me some leg whilst fixing your stockings
Frankly my dear, your behaviour was shocking

You promised me the world and what did I receive?
Inaccurate photos, a desire to deceive
That confident swagger, your hand on your waist
Ravenous for you, I longed for your taste

You promised me the world the stars and the moon
But I’ve seen the light, not a moment too soon
Our romance is on its knees, this is no rom.com
Call that a moon? More like a bath bomb!
The cheek, the audacity, yes there’s truth in the rumour
This isn’t the moon! it’s the size of a satsuma!

You promised me the world, my Amazonian goddess,
I fell hook line and sinker, I have to confess,
But it’s over, I’m done, I know I’ll be fine,
Stick your beguiling goods, where the sun doesn’t shine